You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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