your thong is hanging out like whoa
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
