Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
