What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
