her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
