tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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