I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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