saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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