She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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