so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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