there was a trapeze. enough said
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There are leaves in my underwear?
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