The maid of honor just puked.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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