there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
