Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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