i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.