i think my tv is drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.