Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.