Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.