Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
