Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
