you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
