So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
