hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
