Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
