i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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