My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
