Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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