Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
