You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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