Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha