let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
