I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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