we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.