We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.