Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
