420 ftw
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
