I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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