i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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