My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
