if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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