we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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