apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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