i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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