i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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