You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
