my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Farmville is her only friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
