my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
