her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
