when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
