Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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