We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
