PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
