Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
