I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
