Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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