thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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