she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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