Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
