Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My dick has a subreddit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
