Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
