if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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