Pappa wants mamma naked
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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