Your dad touched me again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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