Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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