I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
