For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
