I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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