Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
