You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
