yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
