Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
