you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
