So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
